Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
