I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
