Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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