He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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