ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
