i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
