the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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