my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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