the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
