my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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