Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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