White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
