I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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