Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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