Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
