Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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