i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
