go do what you do best...puke behind churches
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
