You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
