Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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