I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
