Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
