Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize