The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
