Too much gin, very little bucket
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
