Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize