I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you still have your period?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
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