I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
