worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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