I showed him my bush... on skype.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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