Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
