i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My vagina is very pro this idea
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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