Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize