She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
