Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
