She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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