R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
