Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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