Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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