McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
