im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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