I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my being single is dangerous.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
