Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
