So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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