The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
