I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
