i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
