Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
