Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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