I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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