Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
