Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I will die if light touches me.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I party with great urgency now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
