We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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