Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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