So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
