I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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