My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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