Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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