omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
