my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
