i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize