My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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