Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
