she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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