Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
