Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
this will be a night to untag.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
