I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
