Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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