Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize