He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
