my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
