now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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