I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize