Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
