I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize