Having a random hookup so left but love u
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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