Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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