I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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