it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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