Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
