Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
