PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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