Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
