I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
