Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
