Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
