Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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