Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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