I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
