I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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