the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
