She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
