Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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