fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
