i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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