He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
