Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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