The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
