my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize