i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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