hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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