ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
