Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
