this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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