im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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