You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
