I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
