i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
