There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
