vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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