So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
