I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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