yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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