hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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