You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
